Where does that accent come from??

Watching Koffee with Karan the other day, I suddenly realised how affected Ma'am Madhuri Dixit's accent is. But, then it dawned on me that she has been living abroad (phoren/Amrika) for the past few years; so rolling her r's and emphasising on the a's is is only a part of being a NRI, but wearing a saree and doing a namaste keeps her rooted! But I don't blame her because we are gifted with super phonies in Bollywood like the original Bombay boy, Salman Khan who has never really 'lived' abroad but his accent alternates between continents/countries and is never Indian (and you thought appearing shirtless or getting into media brawls or killing chinkaras and sometimes, humans even, could make you look cool) and the pahari babe, Preity Zinta, who claims to hail from Shimla but strangely, has a weird non-desi accent (in fact, it is so unique that categorising it by country/region would be stripping it off its global colour or is it color?? ).

Indians are fortunate enough to be one of those countries where we speak English, almost as a second language in urban areas and speak it fairly well. Considering that English is largely recognised internationally as the language of communication officially, we enjoy a great advantage over some other Asian countries like China and Japan. Added to this is the fact, that we speak English (Ingliss, as we Desis call it) in varying accents across geographical locations. With increasing urbanisation, however, these accent related boundaries are fast disappearing but even today, you can tell apart a Gujju accent from a Marathi's or a Tamil accent from a Mallu's or a Bong accent from a Oriya's. The fascination with the English language is so much and so overpowering that those who cannot speak it well or have been educated in the vernacular are actually looked down upon, socially and professionally. For instance, you could be rejected at the job or marriage market, if you cannot speak the English language fluently; the freer of regional accent, the better. It does not matter if you speak your own native tongue or not but English you must speak. In fact, those who speak English at home are way cooler than those who use the lesser vernacular. It is okay if you haven't read books in your own language but English books (as they are called in India) you must read. In fact, if you say that you are a reader, it is assumed that you read English and only English literature. It's cool to read Tagore, Premchand, Manto but only the English translations. You see, you are not too familiar with your native language, coming from a English speaking background and studying in an English medium school and all. And also, what kind of a person are you, if you donot listen to English music across genres...from hip-hop to punk rock to reggae to lounge, everything is 'in'. Try playing Himesh Reshammiya at any up market club in our metros and if the bouncer does not attack you, toh batana! If you are out of the loop on Hollywood gossip, which prison Paris Hilton went to and who came fifth on American Idol, then even if you show pictures of Rani Mukherjee- Aditya Chopra engagement or interview Ash's tree husband and expose his side of the story after being abandoned by the most beautiful woman in the world, you are still a loser, buddy! (In my case, however, I must clarify that I am game for all kinds of gossip, not following East-West type of boundaries and btw, I have those exclusive pics that I just wrote about..email me with your credit card information for details!)

However, these days, not only do you have to speak English, free of regional accents; you may also adopt a western accent of your choice, which is limited to American and British and may be, the cool, more well known parts of Europe, like France or Spain! African accent is not good enough because the Africas are too similar to us, socio-culturally. Let me emphasise here that speaking good, grammatically correct English is not priority but speaking with an accent is. But, then there are many people like me who just cannot speak one line of English without saying 'yaar' or 'naa' or 'chal' and cannot help but admire with wonder and sneer with disgust, when the youth in Indian cities speak in their fake American accents with such elan. (Swagata, I warn you against bringing up the infamous 'mass communication' or 'classy' story here, as it was a Freudian slip..as an Indian youth almost hitting middle age, it pains me not to be able to speak with a Western accent!)

The insecurity of us, Indians is unbelievable. We want to both, outshine and deitify the West and may be, stealing their accents is the easiest way to infiltrate the Western world and establish our presence!!

Is being a woman enough?

I write this after hearing of the surprise candidature of one Ms. Pratibha Devisingh Patil as India's next President. Yes, she has been in politics for ages and yes, she is Rajasthan's first woman Governor and the only female Governor in India at the moment and yes, she has Parliamentary experience. But so do the other candidates and some of them, have much greater political presence and experience than she does, then why her?? I can think of no other reason other than the fact of her being a woman that could have triggered this move.

Pronab Mukherjee was not good enough because Ms. Gandhi didn't like him that much and the official version that he forms a strong pillar of the UPA government is not untrue either. Shivraj Patil, close to Ms. Gandhi but too distant from the Left proved to be not too ideal. Karan Singh, aspiring Prez for many years now and if I may say so, an aspiring many things for all his life but we need a little more than just a Prince from Kashmir to make the cut. Sushil Shinde and Narayan Murthy were out of the race, long before it became serious.

In fact, sections of the media are calling the Presidential elections, a battle between the Shekhawats; Patil being married to a Shekhawat herself. Ms. Sonia Gandhi, whose closeness to another Patil and her support for him as Prez was vetoed by the Left allies has referred to Ms. Patil's nomination as a "historic moment" in independent India's 60 year old history, all because she is a WOMAN (she seems to have forgotten that she wouldn't even have thought of a woman candidate, had Shivraj Patil garnered the necessary support). Adding another twist to the tale, the media advisor to the Prime Minister said that the PM's office had already prepared a list of the top 10 women in the country who could be fielded as the UPA Presidential candidate! (Yeah, we believe you!)

Since I did not know who the hell our future Prez is, I decided to find out more about her. However, I found little evidence of her capabilities as a leader, other than the fact that she had a lot of firsts to her credit, by virtue of being a WOMAN. Without taking anything away from her, I, hereby, quote her credentials that has led her to where she is today:

1. First woman Governor of Rajasthan.

2. First woman leader of Opposition in Maharashtra in 1979.

3. She has been Minister in Maharashtra several times and although, it is not mentioned and I am too lazy to research on it, I won't be surprised if she is the first lady to head some of those ministries.

Among her other credentials; she is a lawyer by qualification and as the intensive research team of CNN-IBN will tell us, she was also "TT champion in her college" and that just might won it for her. It is being said that Bhairon Singh Shekhawat may consider it inappropriate to contest against the first "serious woman candidate" and back out. However, the NDA has not supported Patil's candidature and are very much backing Shekhawat as of now.

Pride of Maharashtra or Bahu of Rajasthan, whatever you might call her, I am quite miffed by the selection. We have had a mixed record of Presidents in India, some super achievers and distinguished scholars like Dr. Sarbapalli Radhakrishnan or Dr. Kalam; political big wigs like Dr. Rajendra Prasad and Dr. Neelam Sanjeeva Reddy or government stooges like the infamous Dr. Giani Zail Singh. Yes, we have had no women Presidents in India before, but nominating a person just because of her gender does not speak too well of the status of women in India. There are many other ways of uplifting women in India but this may not be it. One might argue that a President is a mere figurehead, so what's the big deal? But the truth is that, if we have a pro-active President who takes interest in the running of the country and the promotion and protection of the basic rights of people and is not afraid to show dissent and depart from the government line of thinking on issues, if he/she feels that what is being done or proposed to be done is wrong, we, the ordinary people appreciate it. Dr.Kalam represents a "good" President but Giani Zail Singh didn't during his time, when he followed the Indira Gandhi line blindly.

Amulya Ganguly believes that India also needs a political lightweight President and Patil represents that in many ways. Her political career has been largely non-controversial and even as Governor, she has remained non-political. Her opposition of the Rajasthan anti-conversion Bill has also proved her secular credentials. But that apart, there seems to be no other reason why she should be President? Media has reported that she is very loyal to the Gandhi family. Although non-controversial, will she go against Ms. Sonial Gandhi or the UPA she leads, in matters of importance? Given her political/public anonymity and complete lack of presence in the past, we donot know.

Another interesting thing that Rajdeep Sardesai pointed out and I could not agree more is that 65 per cent of India's population being below the age of 35 years, their aspirations are very different. Dr. Kalam was truly a 'peoples President' and represented the dreams and realities of a 21st century Indian and was accepted by the public at large. Pratibha Patil is an unknown somebody who I, as the aam aadmi do not recognise nor identify with. She is the last, politically consensual choice of our politicians made at the very last moment to please the Left, whose preference for a women President we are aware of (Remember, the candidature of Captain Lakshmi Saigal in the previous Prez elections). In fact, it pains me to see the likes of Laloo Prasad Yadav hailing and supporting Patil's candidature, when it is his party that will not let 33 per cent of Parliament seats be reserved for women..So much, for their conecrn for women;s rights..laughable, almost. Pratibha Patil, at 73 does seem like a politically correct choice for President but whether she will win the confidence of the public, if elected, only time will tell. Happy as I am, that a woman may become India's next President; I cannot help but feel sad that the fact of being a woman, is being used and exploited to such a degree that other, more deserving candidates may have been left behind, some of whom, not even in the fray!

I am no political expert...I wrote what I felt and what my limited knowledge permits me..But please do read Amulya Ganguly's piece at http://news.monstersandcritics.com/india/news/article_1317902.php/Pratibha_Patil_The_advantages_of_being_lightweight%0A_COMMENTARY_

Poor is the new cool, says Ta Ra Rum Pum

Siddharth Anand's debut movie was Salaam Namaste which claimed to deal with the oh..so uncomfortable topic of live-in relationships, but ended up being quite a messy affair starring the non-committal Saif, a very loud and nagging Preity Zinta and complicated childbirth in the end.

Many people often ask me as to why I go to see such movies if I don't like them and poke fun at them all the time. It is a fair question...much better than asking someone their future plans or why one needs to go to the beauty parlour every once in a while. I have brainstormed about this myself and have concluded that it is nothing but my love for Hindi movies. Yes, I agree that I would never go to the theatre to watch a Mithun movie because it costs money and I have to exercise my choice then but if it's on television, I wouldn't mind watching it.

Anyway, I was game for Ta Ra Rum Pum since the day I saw the promos and I had a fair idea of what was coming. Yashraj Films is definitely the biggest player in Bollywood making all the so called extravagant family films, starring all Bollywood biggies and keeping the cash registers ringing. This genre was created by the now on the sidelines, Barjatiyas, but they focussed primarily on the shaadis but it was Yashraj and KJo (I use these two names interchangeably)who made this genre what it is, focussing on other significant events in Indian families like sagai, janamdin, naamkaran, shaadi ki salgirah, funerals and now, poverty. The fundas are clear...It's all about loving your family...Incidentally, none of these movies are based in India, although they are often about successful Indians living abroad who despite, following a very so called "Western" lifestyle are Indian to the core. And by Indian, they mostly mean Punjabi and by Punjabi, they often imply lavish and super rich people who love their families, of course!

So, Ta Ra Rum Pum is a departure from the Yashraj formula in a way that the super richness of these Punjabi individuals do not form the crux of the story but it is about the triumph of the human spirit and family bonding, at the end of the day. I could end this post in a line, namely cabbie-racing champion-cabbie-racing champion but I am a little less prosaic than that, so I will go into some (ok..who am I kidding, great) detail. This is a story about Rajveer (Cabbie/RV), a cabbie turned racing pit wheel changer turned racing champ and Radhika (Shona), the world's best pianist, after Adrian Brody, of course, who was the original pianist in Polanski's Oscar winning film of the same name and their two lovely but irritating kids, Champ and Princess (no a.k.a's needed here) and a dog, Bruno (given the logic of naming characters in this particular movie, may be the dog should have had a more human name like the YR favourities, Raj or Rahul!). Anyway, RV becomes a succesful racer, marries his sweetheart Radhika, who he calls Shona and the interpretation for Shona, according to him is sweet in Bong, which it is soooo not. (Shona means gold in Bong, as much as it means in Hindi and we, Bongs use the term shona for describing a dear/ good/nice person..sweet in Bong is MISHTI! Shame on you Saif, half Bong and related to R. Tagore hoye tumi ei Bangla jaano? ) and has two lovely kids, who later adopt a Labrador (I hope I am getting the breed of the dog right because it is so important to the story!) from the streets and call him Bruno. But one day, tragedy strikes this happy family when Saif is severely injured in a racing accident and everything changes. He fails to get his groove back on the racing track, is fired from his racing team and has a fall out with his team manager cum best friend, Harry but hey, who cares..he has his family! A family that helps him get through tough times but cannot help him find his lost speed on the racing track. Thus, the Ta Ra Rum Pum family is thrown out of their mansion, their car is taken away and all their stuff auctioned away, including Rani's 50,000 dollar engagement ring from Tiffany's (how could they??) and are forced to move downtown into a predominantly Indian/South Asian neighbourhood, thus poor.

They lie to their children making up the most ridiculous story ever, in the history of excuses that they are in fact part of a TV reality show where they are required to be poor for a while without shedding a tear (this explains the always a smiling face stereotype, shamelessly promoted through the movie) and once they win, they can return to their original life. What follows is a series of aansu type moments, where Saif is forced to become a cabbie, Rani is forced to take up a job of a pianist at seedy bars/restaurants/birthday parties/funerals and keep up a happy face and the kids, Champ and Princess, when they become aware of the reality of their situation and that they are sachhi mein poor, they start skipping lunch and save the money to pay their school fees. But the family cannot make enough money in time to pay the children's school fees, so Saif lies to his fellow cabbies, fakes his daughter's illness and collects enough money to pay the fees. Then, Champ falls ill, as he had once swallowed a piece of glass when he ate a half eaten doughnut from the trashcan at the school canteen. We are back in 1970s mode, where the surgery of the child requires a lot of money and the family is broke so.......Saif goes to his ex-boss and begs for money, boss insults him and then he gives it off to boss in true filmy style and then, his friend Harry also joins him and then, they form the dream racing team and then, Saif races (uff..I am tired) and wins, of course....triumph of the human spirit, remember!

This film was made of moments, most of them glorious, some not so much...Here is my list of 'wtf' moments from Ta Ra Rum Pum:

1. Someone explain the title to to me...It appears twice in the movie, in two different songs, in very different contexts, one happy with lots of bad animation with cartoon bears wearing their names on their heads and the one is about hope, when Shona is telling kids to learn to be poor and deal with it!

2. Rani Mukerjee's fashion sense in the pre-matrimonial scenario. She has lost a lot of weight to wear those backless tops and short skirts but nothing explains her really bad, semi-blonde hair! Rani, I empathise with you on the Abhi-Ash wedding thingy and I was hurt as a fellow Bong to see that you were not invited but when you are short and stocky, stick to being the girl next door, it suits you and also, when you need a new hairstyle, hit the salon and not the wig store! It looked like it could fall off any moment!

3. Rani is a Bong in the film and so to do justice to her character and appeal to the Bengali audience, she was made to utter two lines in Bengali through the movie...oh..how charming! Besides, she was called Shona by her cute Punjabi husband...I bet Shona will become the next eeeshhh (remember Devdas, where Ash made eeesh popular as a sexually explicit term when we Bongs use it to express our angst at something and always in a non-sexual way! )

4. Saif's arch rival racer, Rusty who is played by an otherwise out-of-work American actor and I can totally understand why. In the bits he appeared, he is frowning and raising one eyebrow and gritting his teeth in true Bollywood style, like Amrish Puri or Ranjeet. He was trying to totally soak up the essence of the Bollywood villain in the few minutes of screen time he had and he gave us a few laughs.

5. Once, when the Ta Ra Rum Pum family is still poor, there is no water in the house, so the family goes to take a bath in a designer fountain right in the middle of NYC, much like people do in Indian villages, when they hit the village pond (The Bharatiya connection, you see) but not half as appropriate. I think this scene was incorporated because Saif really wanted to appear shirtless in at least one song and the director was not left with much choice.

6. Poor as this family was, eating out of trashcans and stealing food from parties for their next meal, their clothes and accesories were far from it. Rani was wearing the most expensive clothes in every scene, which looked totally out of a Marks and Spencer showroom (I am told by my friends knowledgable in high fashion that M&S is not for rich people..it is, by my standards but not by Yash Uncle's standards....in that case, Harrods/Versace sounds good, I suppose, unless they too are affordable to the poor in the U.S of A) . But may be, I don't quiet understand the YR brand of poverty. You have no food, but you still wear good clothes! Keeps debtors away, I suppose...How unsympatheic of me to have not thought about that before! But I have to admit, their house looked really poor.

7. Who abandons young, healthy Labradors on the streets for kids to pick them up? May be, it was lost or may be, it happens in NYC.

8. Who gets married in a running car, with one of the parties driving? People, please don't encourage reckless driving like this. We already have a large number of road accidents and now if people start getting married in cars while driving, with the pastor in the back seat, (as if, getting married on a hot air balloon or a flight was not enough), let me assure you, that the marriage won't be long-lasting, as promised.

9. Who makes up stories about their financial situation to their very young kids and creates a fantasy in their minds? Only warped psychos who donot think straight. I am all for children's rights and all that, but parents are in a position to decide their child's best interests and when your children are 5-6 years old and are barely on their own, they need not be involved in the decision making process as to their well-being, especially when the parents' good intentions are not under question. By creating a fantasy like a TV reality show, you make them a laughing stock amongst their friends and kids are mean and do not necessarily do them any good. You make them precocious and swallow pieces of glass in the process. These people, I tell you, anything to make the audiences cry!

10. According to the makers of this film, this film is very real and could be anyone's story. If this is reality, then at some level, I want to be part of it, because it's so glamorous and feels unreal (plus, I get an ubercool guy like Saif and for all of you, who think he is girlie or too metrosexual, newsflash...OMKARA). But part of me laughs at the insensitivity at which these people view poverty or people who live and die poor. Moneylessness, starvation, indebtedness, unemployment, lack of social security and all associated problems are real but their projection in this film is not. It just shows, how little these people know or understand poverty and its effect. Poverty is as alien to them, as is wealth to the poor. None of the people in the movie have ever been poor or know people who are. Their understanding of it is therefore, plastic....very superficial and its portrayal, although emotional is very very contrived.

But, I have to admit, that Saif and Rani both acted well, especially in the typically emotional scenes. They were very controlled and did not over do it but as I always say, good acting cannot salvage a bad film.

P.S- I still love Saif and his humour (that's still real, very urban and relatable) and Rani (who is still the best actress we have) and Yashraj, for recycling so many emotional stories for us over so many years, bringing in the moolah and most importantly, keeping the B'wood flag flying high (this is the only concept of B'wood that outsiders have in their mind and everyone is benefitting from it!) and I will continue watching your films, until you tire of making them!

Indian Film Awards: Of film camps, family picnics and tear gas!

I am obsessed with Bollywood and therefore, anything that I write, will either be completely based or remotely related to Hindi films or the actors who comprise them. Needless to say, I did not miss the Filmfare Awards (The Indian Oscars) on television while switching channels to catch glimpses of Koffee with Karan where Karan was in conversation with the not so completely dull Sanjay Leela Bhansali and not so interesting Mallika Sherawat (she really disappointed me..I thought there would be fireworks and she gave me dim candlelight instead...I knew she would try to hog attention by saying some honest sounding utterly silly things to win that coffee hamper or whatever it is that the girlie KJ gives out but it was getting lame after a while. She tried to look diverse but it all seemed made up in the end!)

Anyway, this post is not about her nor is it about the fat and stupid Karan Johar, who while making friends with important people, often forgets to make a good film. But the thing that I wanted to talk about and have been having some strong feelings about is the Filmfare awards function. I cannot claim to have watched any of the awards shows this year, because I never really got to know which one was being telecast when and on which of the milions of channels. God! sometimes channel surfing can also be draining! Since we are so spoilt for choice, I would get distracted with a great movie or a good song or an interesting advertisement or may be even a South Indian onscreen couple dancing in colour coordinated costumes and never really get to the film awards in the process.

But I could not miss the Filmfare awards in toto and did catch parts of it and may I say that the show was predictable and shocking at the same time, in more ways than one. Firstly, Shahrukh Khan has completely lost it and now with some live audience interaction, he is ready to jump off the sanity cliff. While I liked the Hrithik Roshan Krish jokes, the fun he poked at Aamir Khan and Amar Singh was completely uncalled for. I think part of what he said about facing a genuine threat from younger actors is very true and was reflecting in his brutally honest and funny take on them. I hated what he told Amar Singh about staring at that model type girl..aap ki aankhon mein darindapan jhalak rahin thi?

I couldn't believe he said that for a few seconds and I bet so didn't he. He seemed embarassed after saying that and although Amar Singh was laughing it off, you could feel the tension in the air and SRK, you better watch your mouth before he kicks your ass!

Please note that the awards function was being held at the Yashraj Studios this time and boy, were we shocked to see Karan Johar, SRK, Juhi Chawla and Preity Zinta hosting the show and may be, it will be relevant to mention here that the fantastic four are/ were an inseparable part of the Chopra camp. To diagress, in India you will find film studios and production houses named directly after their proprietors. For every Miramax, there is a Yashraj Films and for every Paramount, there is a RK Films or Govinda Arts (ok..this I just made up). May be, Steven Spielberg can get a leaf out of our book and call Dreamworks, Steve's Studio or something.

Another rather disgusting attempt at publicity was pulled off by what we now call the first family of Bollywood- the Bachchans. This family just does not seem to get enough of themselves, on screen and off screen. They pulled off a gig (yes, it did look like one) that seemed totally out of a Barjatiya/Johar/Yash Chopra movie. Dame Jaya Bachchan (who I used to admire as an actress and respected as a very dignified lady) was being presented with the Lifetime Achievement Award, from guess who? her husband. This was preceded by Ash presenting an award to Abhishek. I think they just have to award the Bachchans every year. With Sweta Bachchan joining the television industry as an anchor, may be Filmfare will start awards in the television category as well from next year. Who knows? The kind of power these guys wield is amazing! Anyway, that day forward, I lost respect for Jaya Bachchan and her sense of dignity because of the following reasons:

1. She said that she was offered the award earlier but refused. I thought the reason was because she thought she was too young to be awarded this honour. But no, the woman actually said that she thinks this year was a good time to accept this award because she was becoming mom-in-law for the second time..a) I did not know becoming mom-in-law was such an exhilarating feeling, not when you son is marrying Aishwarya Rai and (b) What's that got to do with the award? One never really understands the ways of the rich and the famous!

2. Then, she went on to explain the way she felt about Ash. This was the stuff media fodder is made of. She is a girl (redefine girl for me please..I like the concept of being a girl even in my 30s..it's a liberating feeling for someone my age, especially when young kids are already calling me auntie!) with great values and a great smile. Is that why you like her? Common, you've gotta have more reason for getting your son hitched! Ok..I donot like Aishwarya Rai and was completely disgusted by her tears at this point and this whole show of sudden affection towards her. To the Bachchans- at least, keep some details private. I agree you guys are important, but this is too much information and please remember, the last time you spoke about your son's wedding, you spoke too soon! :)

3. To me, she sounded as a victim of male patriarchy, that sadly Mr. AB represents. The way he spoke about his wife-the actress, had nothing to do with her superb acting talent but how she sacrificed it all for him and the two gifts (his children, of course ) she had given him.. It stank! It was all about she was a girl with great values and that he had to marry her!

Anyway, this was the lowdown on the Filmfare awards. Next, I also watched the Oscars. Oscars on the other hand, are getting very mellow and a tad boring than earlier. Winners are cutting short their speeches and if you are Forest Whitaker, you are completely at a loss of words, even after sweeping all major awards this year. Losers are not doing their fake loser smiles anymore and if you are Leo Decaprio, you are fine with it because you are so young and if you are Peter O'Toole, well you are eight nominations old and still counting...so many good performances in one lifetime, may be, thats your Oscar! Al Gore has become unbelievably fat for some reason. Clint Eastwood is making too many good movies. American Idol losers (or those who were voted out by the audience but I am still sure it is better than Indian Idol, where rewarding the undeserving is the rule!) are winning Oscars....Jennifer Hudson has a great great voice! Martin Scorcese finally won but may be, for the wrong movie..The Departed is not his best work and definitely, not the best movie of this year but the academy differs..May be, the idea was to finally reward him this year and he deserves to be honoured. Liked his speech..too rushed, too slurred and very Italian American! Helen Mirren's speech was the shortest and sweetest this year. Ellen Degeneres..some good jokes here and there..loved the part when Steven Spielberg was clicking her picture with Clint Eastwood and it's always good to see a woman host such a big event! Cate Blanchett was looking the loveliest of them all and so was Kate Winslet (when will she have her Oscar moment?). The men, they all looked the same, in their tuxedo suits! They should really turn to Bollywood for some fashion inspiration. We may be outrageous but at least, we never run out of entertainment, which the Oscars did!

Anyway, there ends my rant. Till the film awards next year, here's Ipshita signing off!