Ah....the 1970s!!

Watched about ten minutes of a movie called Parvarish which made me recapitulate some of the terribly cliched but oh-so-kitsch Bollywood lines from the 1970s which would invariably be repeated in every single movie made during that time. Story, plot, continuity could easily go and take a walk while these lines carried the movie and coming from Amitabh Bachchan, any word was oracle-like.

1. Driver, gaadi roko! (The car would be a Fiat in most cases (green or orange in colour) or if the person is super rich, a Merc...first would come his shiny pointed shoes, then his white bell bottoms and then those retro, oversized sunglasses...oh!! the sheer magic! Although the standards of living have moved ahead by miles, probably by light years in Bollywood...these stupid actors will invariably drive on their own..no matter what the car and how rich...idiots! ek aur character actor ke pet mein laath!)

2. Isse dawa ki nahin, dua ki zaroorat hain...dua kijiye!! (This is a sociological comment on the medical profession in India at the time and how doctors were often unable to handle sensitive cases. This is also a take on the whole faith question that Bollywood has now adopted as her pet theme ...whether you are a doctor or a farmer, the importance of dua and bhagwan can never be undermined!! Added to this are eternal truths like 'choubees ghante ka waqt hain', 'ab sab upar walein ke haath mein hain' and 'bachche ko toh humne bacha liya par ma.....' )

3. Inspector sahab!! Isse giraftaar kar li jiye!! (Please note that the 1970s was the period when the Indian Police Service was glorified. Their uprightness and honesty were above question with actors like Ifthikar playing a police inspector/commissioner- his position in the Bollywood police hierarchy was often directly proportional to his age whereas protagonists like Amitabh Bachchan and Vinod Khanna were always cast as police inspectors because they were always, you know, aged under 30. Compare it to the Bollywood police of today, no respectable actor in the 21st century would dare to play a policeman...if they do, they will call it a challenging role..not only because the role is difficult but the stereotypes the said actor has to fight!! So low is the confidence on the police that kanoon is often taken apne haath mein by the likes of the RDB boys!! Bring back Ifthikar I say..)

5. Raam Raam Kaka ...(The most common and endearing form of greeting in Bollywood is now lost..The overtly thin, supremely old, dhoti clad, toothless smiling kaka has given way to uncles in business suits and hawaiian shirts who only respond to wassup??)

6. Heere kahaan chhupaya hain?? ( Self explanatory when followed by "Boss, maal pakda gaya!)

7. Ghar mein do-do jawaan betiyaan hain (This dialogue delivered by my father....a really funny sight!!)

8. Gawaaon ke bayaan aur sabooton ko madde nazar rakhte hue, mujrim ko dafaa 302 ke tahet, sazaa-e maut sunaye jaati hain... (No wonder the death penalty will never be abolished in India given its representation in pop culture..In other words, a 'mujrim ko ba-izzat bari kiya jaata hain' in movies would be friggin' sweeet!)

9. Aye ji sunte ho, aap bade woh ho!! (Since one never quite understood what 'woh' means, Bollywood has become more explicit and decided to call a spade and spade without all the cute talkin')

10. Maine tere liye kheer banaya hain beta (with proverbial tear in the eyes) - Unfortunately, no mom makes kheer these days nor do kids like it too much, especially when fondue is available in the nearest restaurant!

11. No I haven't forgotten this....

MAIN TUMHARE BACHCHE KI MAA BAN NE WAALI HOON

This is still true in Bollywood, except that these tear jerkers are now called Salaam Namaste or Kya Kehna and they will always get someone urbane like Preity Zinta to play these parts who will carry the baby alright but cannot, for the life of her, carry off these legendary lines...what a shame!

and the last one for today (I read this on the web...ROFL)

12. Pesh hain shahar ki jaani maani kalakaar, Miss. Renu

These Miss. Renu type roles will almost always go to Bindu, Helen or Aruna Irani and let me tell you, they won't just be nightingales with a mike on a stage addressing a family audience because their bhai is under the kabza of the proverbial kutta-kameena (In Bollywood, a dog and a depraved person are one and the same...always).

This list is endless but I shall end the post. Oh..how I love the 1970s. I swear I would do anything to turn back time and turn Ekta Kapoor into Manmohan Desai or Karan Johar into Prakash Mehra while Yash Chopra still remains!!

Cosmic questions..

On blogs and bloggers-
1. Why do bloggers bare it all (and I mean...ALL) on their blogs and then, to create an illusion of maintaining privacy, name the people in their stories as "Max", "A" or sometimes, literary or poetic sounding names, knowing fully well that their friends (who are their only readers, in most cases) will in all likelihood know what they are talking about??? Is it some sorta' cool blog trend that middle-aged wimp blog-owners and occassional bloggers like me are missing out on??

On kids....
1. Why are kids these days so irritating? What happened to the inherent kiddie sweetness that once likened them to the Almighty? They are like, they said in some movie, anti-Christ!! Needy, cranky, demanding, precocious and you cannot even scold/slap them in the fear of being branded a child abuser for life. In other words...uncute (especially the ones aged between 3-12, after which they are teenagers and are supposed to be hormonally irritating anyway)

2. Why do they dress like adults, especially the girl kids wearing backless sequinned dresses with matching jewellery, shoes with heels, sunglasses, chunky bags and the works!! Obviously, I blame the parents and not the kids...

On parents (new age)
1. Why do they have to fulfill every demand that their child makes?
Kid- Mamma, I want a new pink dress to wear to Pinki's budday party.
Mamma (Sometimes, even metro Dads) (stealing a glance at the child's wardrobe)- Haan beta, you really need a new pink dress for Pinki's birthday. I will get your a pair of pink shoes with matching bag and hair clips too (Looks at other parent who is, by this time, totally following the conversation..Kitni cute lagegi na...my baby!!)
(Thankless kid walks out of the room thinking what she wants next..The end!!)

Parents (old) in a similar situation with older kids...
Response- Get lost (Emphasis added)
Older kid walks out of the room abusing parents for being so under-indulgent and becoming (as Praachi and I often discuss) "scarred for life".

On people who crib....

Why do most of my friends and acquaintances working in the corporate sector always (by always, i mean always) crib about long work hours and how they don't have a life??

My questions to these kinds

a) You guys get paid a bomb and while I am not saying that is a bad thing....ever heard of the term "adequate compensation". Plus, most of you have weekends off.

b) If you are unwilling to trade "life" for a "fat pay package", then you have two options: a) quit or b) challenge the Indian corporate work culture in the courts ( all of you are well-paid, qualified lawyers, remember or will you leave that also to under-paid, well-qualified (yeah!! and some of them with LLMs and all) human rights people or activist/PIL lawyers??)

c) If you need the money and therefore, need to work hard (or simply work) to support your lifestyle, then why is it such a big deal?? Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side!!

d) Also, define "life" and how do you people manage to "not have it"?

No offence meant, love ya' all !! (See..I am diplomatic also)

On random stuff....
1. Is the world generally dumbing down??

2. Why should anyone read a book on India's development written by the author of cult classics (I mean it) like Starry Nights, Spouse and Socialite Evenings and scriptwriter of the runaway hit television series "Kitty Party" where she has very suttly remarked that "it is okay to photoshop the poor out of the India story". Yes, b@#$&, in your socialite bubble, the poor don't matter because "if you don't have money, you are a loser". Good said!!

3. When will Mahesh Bhatt stop and given his legacy of Pooja, Emraan, Vikram and the likes, will he, ever?

4. Why is Amitabh Bachchan writing a blog and abusing the shit out of everyone?? Some call it courage and all that, while folks like me, still think its senility!!! What happened to all the "mazhab (read babuji) nahin sikhata aapas mein bair rakhna" attitude. Methinks, its a thing of the past!! Go, Amitji..we love the re-emergence of the angry old man!! Also, why did you leave Jaya Bachchan out of Sarkar-2?? Was it becoming too much of a family thing?? Nothing else explains her absence. Also, time for national debate on who does the older Bachchan love more..Amar or Jaya??; hate more..SRK or Raj?? (They are alter-egos, just btw); prefer more..Abhishek or Ash (given that both are supremely "gritting my teeth/clinching my fists* irritating). On a more serious note, do parents realise how irritating their children actually are or does one spouse/partner really know what the other is up to?? Do they??

5. Why should Manoj Night Shyamalan get the Padmashri, especially since he referred to SRK as "the dude who is in every film"..LOL and also because he hasn't turned in a classic after the great Sixth Sense and the even greater Unbreakable (what a concept!). Dude, when you donot have a Bollywood copy of your movie, you should really rethink your career moves before flying in confidently to steal our top citizen honours!!

6. Who is Khalli and why is he so famous?? I mean, an Indian makes it to the WWE right after I stop watching it...not cool!!

7. Why is Rahul Gandhi touring India and calling it the "Discovery of India" tour?? Although, I mostly believe that it is indeed a journey of self-discovery and get in touch with the real India, political commentators are finding flaws with his approach etc.. Ya, losers..carry on with your discovery and give us more media fodder coz we are so news-deprived already!

8. I am wondering, after a discussion with Praachi and carefully listening to a speech..who speaks better Hindi...Sonia or Manmohan?? Also, how spineless is Arjun Singh to say " I will always be loyal to the Gandhi family" after being snubbed as a sycophant (and very publicly at that) by the Gandhis.

9. Why do most married people hang out with other married people?? Or new moms with other new moms?? Don't tell me they have things in common...yeah right, my baby coughed thrice today..how many times did yours??

10. Why do all hip Delhi gals look alike?? Is style actually individual?? Living in Delhi has made me question a lot of things, this being one of them.

11. Why do these newly married women wear those red and white churas and sindur with Western wear? I mean, when will these women realise that somethings just don't mix...like chalk and cheese..even if you are married!!

12. Why can I never actually send a SMS using words like F9 (fine), c (see), u (you), dat (that), der (there)?? I use tmrw (tomorrow) and btw (by the way) though. Full power to me!!

13. Why do I always sub-consciously judge people who are not quite like me?? (what do you think inspires this post) Every person is different and you are no epitome of perfection either, for crying out loud...you with your copied and unacknowledged gtalk handels thinking you are too cool and uploading every picture on facebook habits...lame!!!

14. Why do I exclaim so much??

More to follow as and when things happen around me and I am tickled by those happenings (which is also the new Manoj Night movie, btw which I will be sure not to watch especially since he has said that this is his scariest movie ever..the last time he said that, I was laughing in the theatre..yes people, it is SIGNS that I am talking about!!)